Archive | November 2012

Changes

Change is harder than most of us think.  It is seldom about losing the weight or completing school or anything tangible. It is about getting rid of the negative self talk.  It just doesn’t seem to really go away. Yes we contain it but we don’t truly get it out of our heads.  It is always there lurking around the corners of our psyche.

Even when we have overcome a situation it is our mind that keeps us there.  Even if we only visit it every now and again, it is way too often.  At times we find ourselves still operating in the old way; not fully embracing the “new” you.

Belief in Self

Every new venture I turn to my closest friends and family for support. You know I want them to be on #teamafroditee. But alas they are not really. It is not they don’t want to see my succeed. They just simply want me to succeed on their terms.

With every small business I idea I tried I hit a brick wall with them. For years all I wanted to hear was that you can do it! Instead I received a litany of why I could not and an urging to go take the exam for a municipal job.

So I looked around and none of my ventures had come to fruition. Then it dawned on me. I allowed myself to feel defeated simply because they said it was not possible. I quickly adopted their mindset of my limitations.  Not really understanding that those limitations were theirs, not mine. Because I needed so badly to have a support system I  kept one that was not one really.

This time around I have a new team. My team consists of people who believe in me and that all this are possible if you are willing to work at it.  Their belief that I can answer the challenges goes a long way in me actually finding solutions. Having #teamafroditee makes it all that much simpler. It helps me believe in me. Which in the end is most important.

Love.

I was recently in love with a magnificent man. He was everything that fantasies were made of. He was brave and charismatic and dependable and devoted and strong and well you get the idea.

Unfortunately, I was not his fairy tale princess. At some point he decided that our relationship was no longer worth investing in, so he left. Although it felt abrupt I highly doubt that it was. He had been thinking about it for some time and then said goodbye.

As painful as it was I couldn’t stay angry with him. He had never treated me badly or wrongly or hurtful.  A real stand up guy.  Of course I railed against the Universe for the unfairness of it all. I had waited almost a decade to fall in love again and then to lose it. I refused to accept that sometimes things just end.

As time has moved away from the “incident” I am beginning to see that this was just for a season. This love affair helped me become a stronger person. It taught me that I could love again.  But mostly that there are no guarantees in this love thing.  One can only keep themselves worthy of being loved.

Being open to love is important. I can not live my life afraid of getting hurt because eventually I will get hurt. However, the sun does rise in the morning and life does go on.  A failed love affair does not stop that. With every passing day the pain is less and one day it just doesn’t hurt anymore.  Then finally only the good moments creep into your thoughts.

So this time I move forward not with trepidation but with expectation that something wonderful is around the corner.  With the knowledge that it may not last forever but while it is here I will enjoy it to the fullest.

Practical Choices

I have recently sold a couple of pieces of jewelry lately.  It feels good that my latest creative endeavor is  appreciated by someone other than myself. Of course these sales lead to a fantasy of being the next great designer. I can see the shelf space at Tiffany’s now.

Unfortunately, this is not my first dip into the “hope this hobby turns into a full-time gig” pool. I get so excited about the possibilities of my new venture that everything else fades into the background. At one point I was so busy making candles that I didn’t even cook for my kids anymore.  This was going to be the next big thing.  Hmm, I also was going to gain independence through Mary Kay, life insurance, etc. You name it I tried it.

Well no more. This time I am focusing on a real career change with a fairly predictable outcome. So what, if I never have that 15,000 sqft house or high end luxury cars or fantasy vacation. I am going to create a stable life for myself.

But you know, I did just get another jewelry order.